DOES SHE KNOW THAT THE WORLD HATES HER?

I met this petite woman two years back for the very first time. There was something strange in her that I couldn’t explain. I just felt awkward when I never received even an iota of warmth a little after I introduced myself to her. That insincere smile of hers was too evident that nothing could ever conceal it.

I could still recall how the pitch of her voice suddenly heightened when I mentioned the institution – NORMISIST with which I am connected. I almost put my palms before my ears when she audaciously cursed such institution right to my face. I left frozen in disbelief on how she got the nerve to spew bad words against the institution of someone she just met. I wonder how I stifled a fierce scream when she kept on hurling those damn irritating insults. It was good that I managed to stay calm and composed in the midst of that worst getting-to-know conversation.

After that instance, I ran into her several times and it got me into unexpected casual conversations with her. Along all those chit-chats with her, I noticed that she also had a sense of humor and a bit of a woman’s charm. I started convincing myself to appreciate her positive attitude and merely ignore anything undesirable about her.

But, the more I coaxed myself to see the beautiful side of her, the more I vividly spotted the rotten part of herself. I shut my ears each time she maligned people around, but, I could still hear her spiteful words. What made this woman love despising the people? She seemed to be mad at anyone. In fact, I seldom heard her saying good things about her friends. Most of the time I heard nothing from her but constantly backbiting, gossiping, relaying rumors and even bragging shamelessly.

Sometimes I couldn’t help asking if she has gone through some traumatic experiences or perhaps a childhood hang-up that most probably caused her undesirable attitude. Perhaps she had once experienced severe humiliation or oppression which carved great frustrations, insecurities and pain deep within her. Not having completely overcome these negative emotions might be the reason why she got a distorted personality.

I tried hard to find some means to understand her. I never allowed her unusual behavior to make me evade her. No one is perfect any way. So, I never rejected the friendship. I still had my ears for her garrulous mouth and her boastfulness.

I began hearing complaints from our common friends. A lot of them have already noticed her eccentricity. In fact her officemate told me that almost all the people in their division disliked her. Again, it brought me to a deep contemplation. I started to ponder why I still tolerate her oddness when most of them barely bore with it.

With me still keeping our friendship, consequently, she happened to drag my name into a mess. Somebody became very mad at me because of her. I was seething in fury at that time that I almost blew her head off. But, after that, I still forgave her.

I still kept the friendship but, I then became cautious and conscious with the words I uttered when she was around. Along our friendship, I usually observed how she often messed with other people. I also witnessed how those people hated her to pieces which made them eventually elude her. “She is not a true friend. She could not be trusted. Beware of that bitch” were some of the warnings they threw at me. It seemed like the world hated her and all the more, I felt pity for her. I wonder if she was that sensitive to discern that she’s been disliked by the many.

I never quitted from that friendship. But I took extra care in dealing with her. I still chatted and laughed with her with some degree of caution. What’s funny was the fact that I still bore her usual fabricated stories which I thought most of her friends could hardly bear.

I guess, one thing that made me stick to her despite of her incongruousness was my hope to see her transform. I never left her because I waited for the right timing to wake her up and see the “real she”……………and to somehow make her aware that people are staying away from her and she really has a lot to fix in the inner core of herself to win them back and not to eventually run out of wonderful friends. I never turned my back because I wanted to get a grip of the perfect chance to tell her that she was already getting out of hand and she had to grow up.

Before I had the chance to do what I’d been longing to do, I got into trouble again because of her. She used to relay gossips and rumors from one person to another. She was very immature and unprofessional enough to exaggerate information she received from others and relayed them to me even if she knew that it was very confidential. Such news which she already exaggerated provoked me and made me confront the source right away. I got more infuriated when I knew that she just exaggerated the whole story and even fabricated the rest of the news. WTF!

Right after that incident, I lost a very good opportunity to travel and get trained for a very interesting kind of field research because of her again. She told me she already informed the organizer that I was coming with them but the truth was she never mentioned my name during the final agreement about the trip. Consequently, it eliminated my chance to be with the group. Only her group was able to join the training. Isn’t it too much already?

Enough is enough. How stupid I was to ignore other people’s warning about her. The recent mistake she made brought my stupidity to an abrupt halt. I couldn’t let it pass anymore. My patience had already reached its threshold level. I couldn’t stretch it any longer. She has done so much damage already. It’s time to really stay away from her for my own sake. I might lose a career or even worse than that if I’ll continue to be with her. They are right that it’s not healthy to be with this unpredictable woman.

Yes I could forgive her for what she unfairly did to me and to others………….but I couldn’t afford anymore to let her have another chance to give me another problem. Everything is over. Enough of all those headaches she has given me.

I am now fervently praying for her transformation ……………and for her to stop hurting others and causing so much trouble to anyone around. May she learn a lesson from any of her bad deeds and wake up to the reality that she is not really behaving well. I am badly hoping for her to discern on how to do the right things to make her win her friends back.

Friends are anybody’s wealth. She will always remain poor if she’ll never bother to change for the better. I am grateful that I am wallowing in wealth…………not in money but in friends………….simply because the world never hates me. I know I am not perfect but anyhow, I have a good heart. I think it is anybody’s choice to win many friends. Why can’t she take this simple choice?