There is nothing more tender
And softer than my pillow
It’s been always there for me
Through all my emotions
Sad or happy
My pillow is there to count on.
When I’m down and in pain
I just hug my pillow and cry
‘till I run out of tears.
When I’m scared in the dark
I just hug my pillow and tremble
‘till I fall asleep.
When I miss a loved one
I just hug my pillow
‘till I become oblivious of his/her absence.
When I’m seething in anger
I just hug my pillow
‘till I calm down.
When I’m baffled
I just hug my pillow
‘till I unravel the puzzle.
When I’m tired
I just hug my pillow
‘till I get a nap and regain energy.
When I’m happy
I just hug my pillow, unstoppably kiss it
‘till I thank God for a happy day.
I truly love my pillow
My loyal comforter
My huggable companion
My best friend
My life…………..
Friday, September 11, 2009
IT’S TIRESOME TO CHASE THE TIME
I see other people not minding the deadlines at all. They don’t allow time to harass them. They just work if they’re enthused to and stop whenever they like. Meeting or not meeting the deadline is never a big deal to them.
I envy those people. A couple of times I see them still in great composure while working even when the deadline is impending. No trace of stress across their faces. No hint of burning out. No panicky movements. No tantrums. No tell-tale signs of a busy life. Incredible!
The more I’ve tried to face my career like the way those people deal with their work, the more I recognize the time whisk by. I am left with the sense that I need to chase the time. The urge to finish everything that I do right away is constantly gushing through me. I have that innate pressure in me to finish what I’m making and what I’m doing shortly before the time or on time and not beyond the scheduled time. I hate to end things late. That’s why, delays are a mess to me.
There are times when my eyes whine and my body succumbs. My hands weaken and my head gives up. But I force my system to get awake and active. Time is leaping faster. A little goofing around will leave me far behind.
I’m constantly chasing the time……….always wanting to speed things up all along. I am looking forward to receive instant assistance………to come up with quick, sound decisions and fast plan and carry them all out like a snapshot. That is of course to hit my time marks.
Weaving a special system for all the daily activities is the right thing to do. But with all the numerous activities piled on top of another being put in a system still, I have to hurriedly finish one to start working on the next. In so doing, I am still chasing the time.
After spending much effort to keep chasing the time, I reach the point of getting exhausted………….stressed out……….depressed………..frustrated………I forgo my time to chill out. I sacrifice the time for myself. Only to end up unfinished on its deadline. I am like chasing the wind. Too hard to keep pace with it. In just a wink of an eye, it’s hundreds of miles away…………..and it’s gone.
That frantic “busy-making” I’ve made has not all the time pushed me so hard to keep pace with time as I’ve always wanted. A lot of times I gave my all in chasing the time and I won. I even used to get in the finishing line before the time. I thought it’s always like that…………But now, how come I see myself failing to chase the time? I’m now stuck…………pleading with time to wait for me.
The realization that has taken root in me is that I can’t have all I wanted all the time. Time and events are absolutely beyond my control. I am not that perfect to put them all together to make everything just work out like the way I want them to. There could be deadlines in my day-to-day life. There are really inevitable instances in which life is cruel and some of those deadlines are not met no matter how I’ve tried hard.
Time…………….I’m always chasing it. Time is not enough for now. When there is enough of it, I think I’ll still ask for more. No time contentment……………….I want more than enough of it to finish a very important thing……………..I want to get it done with quality and with brilliance…………………………more time for me please………………………I need more time to do my best and measure up!
I envy those people. A couple of times I see them still in great composure while working even when the deadline is impending. No trace of stress across their faces. No hint of burning out. No panicky movements. No tantrums. No tell-tale signs of a busy life. Incredible!
The more I’ve tried to face my career like the way those people deal with their work, the more I recognize the time whisk by. I am left with the sense that I need to chase the time. The urge to finish everything that I do right away is constantly gushing through me. I have that innate pressure in me to finish what I’m making and what I’m doing shortly before the time or on time and not beyond the scheduled time. I hate to end things late. That’s why, delays are a mess to me.
There are times when my eyes whine and my body succumbs. My hands weaken and my head gives up. But I force my system to get awake and active. Time is leaping faster. A little goofing around will leave me far behind.
I’m constantly chasing the time……….always wanting to speed things up all along. I am looking forward to receive instant assistance………to come up with quick, sound decisions and fast plan and carry them all out like a snapshot. That is of course to hit my time marks.
Weaving a special system for all the daily activities is the right thing to do. But with all the numerous activities piled on top of another being put in a system still, I have to hurriedly finish one to start working on the next. In so doing, I am still chasing the time.
After spending much effort to keep chasing the time, I reach the point of getting exhausted………….stressed out……….depressed………..frustrated………I forgo my time to chill out. I sacrifice the time for myself. Only to end up unfinished on its deadline. I am like chasing the wind. Too hard to keep pace with it. In just a wink of an eye, it’s hundreds of miles away…………..and it’s gone.
That frantic “busy-making” I’ve made has not all the time pushed me so hard to keep pace with time as I’ve always wanted. A lot of times I gave my all in chasing the time and I won. I even used to get in the finishing line before the time. I thought it’s always like that…………But now, how come I see myself failing to chase the time? I’m now stuck…………pleading with time to wait for me.
The realization that has taken root in me is that I can’t have all I wanted all the time. Time and events are absolutely beyond my control. I am not that perfect to put them all together to make everything just work out like the way I want them to. There could be deadlines in my day-to-day life. There are really inevitable instances in which life is cruel and some of those deadlines are not met no matter how I’ve tried hard.
Time…………….I’m always chasing it. Time is not enough for now. When there is enough of it, I think I’ll still ask for more. No time contentment……………….I want more than enough of it to finish a very important thing……………..I want to get it done with quality and with brilliance…………………………more time for me please………………………I need more time to do my best and measure up!
20 FUN STUFF I AND PETER ENJOY DOING TOGETHER
1. TRAVELING/ADVENTURE
We both see the magic in it…………..when we travel we are like in a fairy tale ……………we only see the happier side of life……..nothing else.
2. SIGHT-SEEING
We both have a heart for nature. A partial glimpse on a scenic view fuels our flaming up romance.
3. WATCHING SUNRISE AND SUNSET
We both see hope and optimism as the sun rises………we see completeness as the sun sets.
4. SWIMMING
We do it on holidays either in the beach, pool or in the water falls. Note : I barely have the nerve to swim with him beyond 5 feet deep. LOL!
5. SPORTS
We sweat out together with much fun…….we play badminton and table tennis………we run and we do brisk walking after dinner around the neighborhood………..we do it to shed our berserk bulging bellies LOL!……..Our common aim: To lose weight. We are both health conscious ………….getting into shape is an issue to both of us.
6. DINING OUT
When we dine out together, we find eat-all-you-can buffet quite practical. Believe me we have a lot of food preference in common…………”kinilaw, sinugba, tinola or “sutokil” are among our favorites. Four seasons and chop suey veggies, pinakbet, adobo, chicken barbeque, lechon, and liempo are few others. Ice cream, shake, halo-halo and fruit salad make up our top-rating desserts…………….
I find it impressive when Peter reminds me of my 1-cup-rice meal in front of festive display of copious yummies.
7. MALLING
Strolling around the mall……….window shopping and fitting the trendy clothes and accessories we don’t plan to buy is part of our hang outs…………….we roam around the mall ‘till leg cramps ensue.
8. WATCHING MOVIES
Peter’s fetish of movies is very contagious. Watching movie together in the theater or merely at home have no much difference. We both find it relaxing and entertaining. Our common movie likes include horror and comedy.
9. CHATTING VIA YM
This is hella funny! We fiddle around by web chatting with each other even if he is in the sofa while I am in our bed room. Weird isn’t it? But sometimes it can help us patch up our petty “LQ”. Through web chatting, we both could convey our emotions………….at least no nagging involved……….and it really works! Thanx cybernet!
10. LAUGHING/CRACKING JOKES
We can’t call it a day without laughing………….cracking jokes and making fun of each other is one way of defying our idle moments.
11. VIDEOKE HANG OUT
We don’t care if we run out of P5 peso coins……..as long as we sing all our favorite songs to our hearts content. For us, singing is a form of emotional release…………nothing less than a therapeutic activity.
12. GOING TO THE CHURCH TOGETHER
Prayer is our only weapon against all odds. We do it every Sunday p.m., Wednesday and sometimes Friday. We are more comfy to be in the rear part of the church.
13. CAMPING
Spending our time together in the tent is a lotta fun………kinda romantic………..perhaps the tiny space in the tent permits us to own each better. Meowwwww!!!!!
14. FISHING
We couldn’t contain the overwhelming thrill when we catch a wiggling fish after a pretty long wait……… with the whining fishing gear.
15. TAKING PICTURES
Firing up our digi cam…….capturing all the fascinating spots in our travels……….is one way of preserving all the good memories.
16. BAR HOPPING
Listening to live bands playing folk songs, RNB, reggae and pop music over some amount of booze on a weekend is entertaining…………you usually see my hand clasped with his when we listen to the folk songs…………
17. GOING TO THE MARKET
Wednesdays and Saturdays are our usual schedule for buying wet market stuff ….. we both stick to our budget all the time………….fish, veggies and fruits over pork, beef and chicken
18. COOKING
We’re fond of inventing our own recipes. We modify the existing and famous ones. Peter does the slicing of spices, fish or meat and prepping all of those stuff on the table. I do the mixing and the cooking. I oftentimes let him do the taste test. When he says “it tastes okay”, that means…..prepare the table and lets eat……..
19. BODY MASSAGE
Peter is my private masseur………….I am his private masseuse. Sometimes, before going to bed he gives me a free body massage after I do the same to him. This is I guess far better than having it in any massage parlor or spa. Aside from being not costly, it’s romantic too.
20. KISSING, HUGGING AND EXCHANGING “I LOVE YOU’s” BEFORE LIGHTS OFF AND DURING SUNRISE
This is our constant reminder that we cherish each other’s presence……that our love for each other is endless……..and is forever the reason why we need each other every single day……….
Those top 20 things we love doing together are our precious gems ……….
our ultimate wealth…………..
our lifetime treasure………….
We both see the magic in it…………..when we travel we are like in a fairy tale ……………we only see the happier side of life……..nothing else.
2. SIGHT-SEEING
We both have a heart for nature. A partial glimpse on a scenic view fuels our flaming up romance.
3. WATCHING SUNRISE AND SUNSET
We both see hope and optimism as the sun rises………we see completeness as the sun sets.
4. SWIMMING
We do it on holidays either in the beach, pool or in the water falls. Note : I barely have the nerve to swim with him beyond 5 feet deep. LOL!
5. SPORTS
We sweat out together with much fun…….we play badminton and table tennis………we run and we do brisk walking after dinner around the neighborhood………..we do it to shed our berserk bulging bellies LOL!……..Our common aim: To lose weight. We are both health conscious ………….getting into shape is an issue to both of us.
6. DINING OUT
When we dine out together, we find eat-all-you-can buffet quite practical. Believe me we have a lot of food preference in common…………”kinilaw, sinugba, tinola or “sutokil” are among our favorites. Four seasons and chop suey veggies, pinakbet, adobo, chicken barbeque, lechon, and liempo are few others. Ice cream, shake, halo-halo and fruit salad make up our top-rating desserts…………….
I find it impressive when Peter reminds me of my 1-cup-rice meal in front of festive display of copious yummies.
7. MALLING
Strolling around the mall……….window shopping and fitting the trendy clothes and accessories we don’t plan to buy is part of our hang outs…………….we roam around the mall ‘till leg cramps ensue.
8. WATCHING MOVIES
Peter’s fetish of movies is very contagious. Watching movie together in the theater or merely at home have no much difference. We both find it relaxing and entertaining. Our common movie likes include horror and comedy.
9. CHATTING VIA YM
This is hella funny! We fiddle around by web chatting with each other even if he is in the sofa while I am in our bed room. Weird isn’t it? But sometimes it can help us patch up our petty “LQ”. Through web chatting, we both could convey our emotions………….at least no nagging involved……….and it really works! Thanx cybernet!
10. LAUGHING/CRACKING JOKES
We can’t call it a day without laughing………….cracking jokes and making fun of each other is one way of defying our idle moments.
11. VIDEOKE HANG OUT
We don’t care if we run out of P5 peso coins……..as long as we sing all our favorite songs to our hearts content. For us, singing is a form of emotional release…………nothing less than a therapeutic activity.
12. GOING TO THE CHURCH TOGETHER
Prayer is our only weapon against all odds. We do it every Sunday p.m., Wednesday and sometimes Friday. We are more comfy to be in the rear part of the church.
13. CAMPING
Spending our time together in the tent is a lotta fun………kinda romantic………..perhaps the tiny space in the tent permits us to own each better. Meowwwww!!!!!
14. FISHING
We couldn’t contain the overwhelming thrill when we catch a wiggling fish after a pretty long wait……… with the whining fishing gear.
15. TAKING PICTURES
Firing up our digi cam…….capturing all the fascinating spots in our travels……….is one way of preserving all the good memories.
16. BAR HOPPING
Listening to live bands playing folk songs, RNB, reggae and pop music over some amount of booze on a weekend is entertaining…………you usually see my hand clasped with his when we listen to the folk songs…………
17. GOING TO THE MARKET
Wednesdays and Saturdays are our usual schedule for buying wet market stuff ….. we both stick to our budget all the time………….fish, veggies and fruits over pork, beef and chicken
18. COOKING
We’re fond of inventing our own recipes. We modify the existing and famous ones. Peter does the slicing of spices, fish or meat and prepping all of those stuff on the table. I do the mixing and the cooking. I oftentimes let him do the taste test. When he says “it tastes okay”, that means…..prepare the table and lets eat……..
19. BODY MASSAGE
Peter is my private masseur………….I am his private masseuse. Sometimes, before going to bed he gives me a free body massage after I do the same to him. This is I guess far better than having it in any massage parlor or spa. Aside from being not costly, it’s romantic too.
20. KISSING, HUGGING AND EXCHANGING “I LOVE YOU’s” BEFORE LIGHTS OFF AND DURING SUNRISE
This is our constant reminder that we cherish each other’s presence……that our love for each other is endless……..and is forever the reason why we need each other every single day……….
Those top 20 things we love doing together are our precious gems ……….
our ultimate wealth…………..
our lifetime treasure………….
Saturday, June 20, 2009
FATHER FIGURE
I felt that my childhood
Was fettered by Papa’s restrictions
Almost all the things I loved doing
Were forbidden………………
I wanted to ride my bicycle
But Papa said I should not.
I wanted to play with my friends under the sun
But Papa said “No!”
I wanted to cook and wash the clothes
But Papa didn’t want me to
I wanted to go to the beach with the neighbors
But Papa said I might get drowned
I wanted to take vacation in my cousin’s place
But Papa said I was too young to be there……
I envied my friends and cousins
Through the window, I just watched them
Enjoying with their freedom
Doing so many things
Which I’d been deprived of.
When I reached high school
Papa became more strict and tough
I just hated the curfew hours
I missed a lot of fun outings
I wasn’t allowed to travel alone
It was a great frustration
To say no to a man I fell in love with
Just to follow what Papa told me
That I should not indulge in a relationship yet
I felt I was enmeshed
In a myriad of no freedom
With a profound longing
To express my youth
But I just couldn’t.
When I went to a university
I was away from home
I quaffed the new freedom
I savored the new independence
I’d done so many things without reluctance
Papa wasn’t there at all to reprimand me
Yet, I still had that fear of him
His constant calls and reminders were still there
And so, no matter what
I still tend to behave well
I dared not to abuse my instant freedom
I still managed to set limits
For I’m scared of Papa
My fear of him is unrelenting.
Now that I’m an adult
Now that I’m married
And now that I’m more mature
I’ve started to stop cursing Papa
Instead I’ve begun to appreciate him
For all those deprivations
And annoying restrictions before.
I begin to understand
Why Papa did all of those………..
Simply because he kept me on the right track
And absolutely because he loves me a lot.
I don’t care if all of those inhibitions
Were right or wrong
All I know now is……
There was so much love behind them.
I might not have fully enjoyed
My childhood and my teenage life
Yet, I know Papa had a very good reason
Why he never gave me so much freedom
He never meant to hurt me
And to give me a miserable life
It was just his means of molding
A wonderful person in me
And that’s what matters a lot to me
With his love and concern
I become what I am now
I’m grateful that my eyes and heart
Have seen and felt a Father Figure………..
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Was fettered by Papa’s restrictions
Almost all the things I loved doing
Were forbidden………………
I wanted to ride my bicycle
But Papa said I should not.
I wanted to play with my friends under the sun
But Papa said “No!”
I wanted to cook and wash the clothes
But Papa didn’t want me to
I wanted to go to the beach with the neighbors
But Papa said I might get drowned
I wanted to take vacation in my cousin’s place
But Papa said I was too young to be there……
I envied my friends and cousins
Through the window, I just watched them
Enjoying with their freedom
Doing so many things
Which I’d been deprived of.
When I reached high school
Papa became more strict and tough
I just hated the curfew hours
I missed a lot of fun outings
I wasn’t allowed to travel alone
It was a great frustration
To say no to a man I fell in love with
Just to follow what Papa told me
That I should not indulge in a relationship yet
I felt I was enmeshed
In a myriad of no freedom
With a profound longing
To express my youth
But I just couldn’t.
When I went to a university
I was away from home
I quaffed the new freedom
I savored the new independence
I’d done so many things without reluctance
Papa wasn’t there at all to reprimand me
Yet, I still had that fear of him
His constant calls and reminders were still there
And so, no matter what
I still tend to behave well
I dared not to abuse my instant freedom
I still managed to set limits
For I’m scared of Papa
My fear of him is unrelenting.
Now that I’m an adult
Now that I’m married
And now that I’m more mature
I’ve started to stop cursing Papa
Instead I’ve begun to appreciate him
For all those deprivations
And annoying restrictions before.
I begin to understand
Why Papa did all of those………..
Simply because he kept me on the right track
And absolutely because he loves me a lot.
I don’t care if all of those inhibitions
Were right or wrong
All I know now is……
There was so much love behind them.
I might not have fully enjoyed
My childhood and my teenage life
Yet, I know Papa had a very good reason
Why he never gave me so much freedom
He never meant to hurt me
And to give me a miserable life
It was just his means of molding
A wonderful person in me
And that’s what matters a lot to me
With his love and concern
I become what I am now
I’m grateful that my eyes and heart
Have seen and felt a Father Figure………..
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
DOES SHE KNOW THAT THE WORLD HATES HER?
I met this petite woman two years back for the very first time. There was something strange in her that I couldn’t explain. I just felt awkward when I never received even an iota of warmth a little after I introduced myself to her. That insincere smile of hers was too evident that nothing could ever conceal it.
I could still recall how the pitch of her voice suddenly heightened when I mentioned the institution – NORMISIST with which I am connected. I almost put my palms before my ears when she audaciously cursed such institution right to my face. I left frozen in disbelief on how she got the nerve to spew bad words against the institution of someone she just met. I wonder how I stifled a fierce scream when she kept on hurling those damn irritating insults. It was good that I managed to stay calm and composed in the midst of that worst getting-to-know conversation.
After that instance, I ran into her several times and it got me into unexpected casual conversations with her. Along all those chit-chats with her, I noticed that she also had a sense of humor and a bit of a woman’s charm. I started convincing myself to appreciate her positive attitude and merely ignore anything undesirable about her.
But, the more I coaxed myself to see the beautiful side of her, the more I vividly spotted the rotten part of herself. I shut my ears each time she maligned people around, but, I could still hear her spiteful words. What made this woman love despising the people? She seemed to be mad at anyone. In fact, I seldom heard her saying good things about her friends. Most of the time I heard nothing from her but constantly backbiting, gossiping, relaying rumors and even bragging shamelessly.
Sometimes I couldn’t help asking if she has gone through some traumatic experiences or perhaps a childhood hang-up that most probably caused her undesirable attitude. Perhaps she had once experienced severe humiliation or oppression which carved great frustrations, insecurities and pain deep within her. Not having completely overcome these negative emotions might be the reason why she got a distorted personality.
I tried hard to find some means to understand her. I never allowed her unusual behavior to make me evade her. No one is perfect any way. So, I never rejected the friendship. I still had my ears for her garrulous mouth and her boastfulness.
I began hearing complaints from our common friends. A lot of them have already noticed her eccentricity. In fact her officemate told me that almost all the people in their division disliked her. Again, it brought me to a deep contemplation. I started to ponder why I still tolerate her oddness when most of them barely bore with it.
With me still keeping our friendship, consequently, she happened to drag my name into a mess. Somebody became very mad at me because of her. I was seething in fury at that time that I almost blew her head off. But, after that, I still forgave her.
I still kept the friendship but, I then became cautious and conscious with the words I uttered when she was around. Along our friendship, I usually observed how she often messed with other people. I also witnessed how those people hated her to pieces which made them eventually elude her. “She is not a true friend. She could not be trusted. Beware of that bitch” were some of the warnings they threw at me. It seemed like the world hated her and all the more, I felt pity for her. I wonder if she was that sensitive to discern that she’s been disliked by the many.
I never quitted from that friendship. But I took extra care in dealing with her. I still chatted and laughed with her with some degree of caution. What’s funny was the fact that I still bore her usual fabricated stories which I thought most of her friends could hardly bear.
I guess, one thing that made me stick to her despite of her incongruousness was my hope to see her transform. I never left her because I waited for the right timing to wake her up and see the “real she”……………and to somehow make her aware that people are staying away from her and she really has a lot to fix in the inner core of herself to win them back and not to eventually run out of wonderful friends. I never turned my back because I wanted to get a grip of the perfect chance to tell her that she was already getting out of hand and she had to grow up.
Before I had the chance to do what I’d been longing to do, I got into trouble again because of her. She used to relay gossips and rumors from one person to another. She was very immature and unprofessional enough to exaggerate information she received from others and relayed them to me even if she knew that it was very confidential. Such news which she already exaggerated provoked me and made me confront the source right away. I got more infuriated when I knew that she just exaggerated the whole story and even fabricated the rest of the news. WTF!
Right after that incident, I lost a very good opportunity to travel and get trained for a very interesting kind of field research because of her again. She told me she already informed the organizer that I was coming with them but the truth was she never mentioned my name during the final agreement about the trip. Consequently, it eliminated my chance to be with the group. Only her group was able to join the training. Isn’t it too much already?
Enough is enough. How stupid I was to ignore other people’s warning about her. The recent mistake she made brought my stupidity to an abrupt halt. I couldn’t let it pass anymore. My patience had already reached its threshold level. I couldn’t stretch it any longer. She has done so much damage already. It’s time to really stay away from her for my own sake. I might lose a career or even worse than that if I’ll continue to be with her. They are right that it’s not healthy to be with this unpredictable woman.
Yes I could forgive her for what she unfairly did to me and to others………….but I couldn’t afford anymore to let her have another chance to give me another problem. Everything is over. Enough of all those headaches she has given me.
I am now fervently praying for her transformation ……………and for her to stop hurting others and causing so much trouble to anyone around. May she learn a lesson from any of her bad deeds and wake up to the reality that she is not really behaving well. I am badly hoping for her to discern on how to do the right things to make her win her friends back.
Friends are anybody’s wealth. She will always remain poor if she’ll never bother to change for the better. I am grateful that I am wallowing in wealth…………not in money but in friends………….simply because the world never hates me. I know I am not perfect but anyhow, I have a good heart. I think it is anybody’s choice to win many friends. Why can’t she take this simple choice?
I could still recall how the pitch of her voice suddenly heightened when I mentioned the institution – NORMISIST with which I am connected. I almost put my palms before my ears when she audaciously cursed such institution right to my face. I left frozen in disbelief on how she got the nerve to spew bad words against the institution of someone she just met. I wonder how I stifled a fierce scream when she kept on hurling those damn irritating insults. It was good that I managed to stay calm and composed in the midst of that worst getting-to-know conversation.
After that instance, I ran into her several times and it got me into unexpected casual conversations with her. Along all those chit-chats with her, I noticed that she also had a sense of humor and a bit of a woman’s charm. I started convincing myself to appreciate her positive attitude and merely ignore anything undesirable about her.
But, the more I coaxed myself to see the beautiful side of her, the more I vividly spotted the rotten part of herself. I shut my ears each time she maligned people around, but, I could still hear her spiteful words. What made this woman love despising the people? She seemed to be mad at anyone. In fact, I seldom heard her saying good things about her friends. Most of the time I heard nothing from her but constantly backbiting, gossiping, relaying rumors and even bragging shamelessly.
Sometimes I couldn’t help asking if she has gone through some traumatic experiences or perhaps a childhood hang-up that most probably caused her undesirable attitude. Perhaps she had once experienced severe humiliation or oppression which carved great frustrations, insecurities and pain deep within her. Not having completely overcome these negative emotions might be the reason why she got a distorted personality.
I tried hard to find some means to understand her. I never allowed her unusual behavior to make me evade her. No one is perfect any way. So, I never rejected the friendship. I still had my ears for her garrulous mouth and her boastfulness.
I began hearing complaints from our common friends. A lot of them have already noticed her eccentricity. In fact her officemate told me that almost all the people in their division disliked her. Again, it brought me to a deep contemplation. I started to ponder why I still tolerate her oddness when most of them barely bore with it.
With me still keeping our friendship, consequently, she happened to drag my name into a mess. Somebody became very mad at me because of her. I was seething in fury at that time that I almost blew her head off. But, after that, I still forgave her.
I still kept the friendship but, I then became cautious and conscious with the words I uttered when she was around. Along our friendship, I usually observed how she often messed with other people. I also witnessed how those people hated her to pieces which made them eventually elude her. “She is not a true friend. She could not be trusted. Beware of that bitch” were some of the warnings they threw at me. It seemed like the world hated her and all the more, I felt pity for her. I wonder if she was that sensitive to discern that she’s been disliked by the many.
I never quitted from that friendship. But I took extra care in dealing with her. I still chatted and laughed with her with some degree of caution. What’s funny was the fact that I still bore her usual fabricated stories which I thought most of her friends could hardly bear.
I guess, one thing that made me stick to her despite of her incongruousness was my hope to see her transform. I never left her because I waited for the right timing to wake her up and see the “real she”……………and to somehow make her aware that people are staying away from her and she really has a lot to fix in the inner core of herself to win them back and not to eventually run out of wonderful friends. I never turned my back because I wanted to get a grip of the perfect chance to tell her that she was already getting out of hand and she had to grow up.
Before I had the chance to do what I’d been longing to do, I got into trouble again because of her. She used to relay gossips and rumors from one person to another. She was very immature and unprofessional enough to exaggerate information she received from others and relayed them to me even if she knew that it was very confidential. Such news which she already exaggerated provoked me and made me confront the source right away. I got more infuriated when I knew that she just exaggerated the whole story and even fabricated the rest of the news. WTF!
Right after that incident, I lost a very good opportunity to travel and get trained for a very interesting kind of field research because of her again. She told me she already informed the organizer that I was coming with them but the truth was she never mentioned my name during the final agreement about the trip. Consequently, it eliminated my chance to be with the group. Only her group was able to join the training. Isn’t it too much already?
Enough is enough. How stupid I was to ignore other people’s warning about her. The recent mistake she made brought my stupidity to an abrupt halt. I couldn’t let it pass anymore. My patience had already reached its threshold level. I couldn’t stretch it any longer. She has done so much damage already. It’s time to really stay away from her for my own sake. I might lose a career or even worse than that if I’ll continue to be with her. They are right that it’s not healthy to be with this unpredictable woman.
Yes I could forgive her for what she unfairly did to me and to others………….but I couldn’t afford anymore to let her have another chance to give me another problem. Everything is over. Enough of all those headaches she has given me.
I am now fervently praying for her transformation ……………and for her to stop hurting others and causing so much trouble to anyone around. May she learn a lesson from any of her bad deeds and wake up to the reality that she is not really behaving well. I am badly hoping for her to discern on how to do the right things to make her win her friends back.
Friends are anybody’s wealth. She will always remain poor if she’ll never bother to change for the better. I am grateful that I am wallowing in wealth…………not in money but in friends………….simply because the world never hates me. I know I am not perfect but anyhow, I have a good heart. I think it is anybody’s choice to win many friends. Why can’t she take this simple choice?
REMARKABLE GRANDMA
What makes my grandma
A grand mother?
She’s grand
Because she mothers my dear father
Who fathers me
And she mothers
The special fathers and mothers
Who father and mother my cousins.
She is very old
Yet young at heart
Beneath her wrinkled and grey skin
Is her beautiful soul
In spite of her grainy and foggy eyes
She sees the wonders of life
Her salt-and-pepper hair
Conjures up her well-ripened wisdom.
She’s got back and muscle pains
Yet she’s a very good baby sitter of her grandkids
She’s got bones weakened by age
Yet she has the strength to protect her loved ones
She’s got no teeth in her gums
Yet her smile is lovely and eloquent
She’s got arthritis-afflicted legs
Yet her lap is the best place when I’m sad.
She is my remarkable grandma
She’s old, yet young
She’s weak, yet strong
She’s wrinkled, yet beautiful
Her smile means a world to me
Her hugs and kisses are greater than comfort
I know that when God takes her at the right time
She’ll die asleep and happy………..
A grand mother?
She’s grand
Because she mothers my dear father
Who fathers me
And she mothers
The special fathers and mothers
Who father and mother my cousins.
She is very old
Yet young at heart
Beneath her wrinkled and grey skin
Is her beautiful soul
In spite of her grainy and foggy eyes
She sees the wonders of life
Her salt-and-pepper hair
Conjures up her well-ripened wisdom.
She’s got back and muscle pains
Yet she’s a very good baby sitter of her grandkids
She’s got bones weakened by age
Yet she has the strength to protect her loved ones
She’s got no teeth in her gums
Yet her smile is lovely and eloquent
She’s got arthritis-afflicted legs
Yet her lap is the best place when I’m sad.
She is my remarkable grandma
She’s old, yet young
She’s weak, yet strong
She’s wrinkled, yet beautiful
Her smile means a world to me
Her hugs and kisses are greater than comfort
I know that when God takes her at the right time
She’ll die asleep and happy………..
MAY IN THE PHILIPPINES
When the month of May sets in, I think of a series of celebrations. In fact, I could associate this lovely month with the Pinoy’s rich culture. Everyday is “fiesta”. From the very first day ‘till the last day of May, everyone seems bustling around for fiesta celebration. Everything is gussied up from the remote sitios, barrios or villages to the Philippine cities. There is a mixture of joyful noise and copious food in many places all over the country. The crispy lechon with an apple in its mouth is always the highlight on the dining table. There is that soaring candle sales in the church for the Patron Saint offerings. May is not a sober month in the Philippines. Everyone is drunk……everyone becomes a glutton………everyone is having fun in this month.
Another grand event in May is the Flores de Mayo – a tribute to the Virgin Mary. In the Philippines, I could start seeing the rain in May after a long, dry summer. With the rainfall, the flowers magically bloom and the flower fragrance floats in the air. With this beneficial rainfall which makes the surroundings colorful, the Catholics offer prayers, reflections, songs and the children march down the church center aisle and sprinkle fragrant petals for Mama Mary. As these little angels sing hymns to Lady Immaculate while offering a bunch of flowers to the altar, I can’t help on bringing myself back to my childhood years. I always had flowers and friends with me in the church before. I had once experienced becoming an angel who offered flower petals too and I had also been crowned as the little Flores de Mayo Queen in our hometown at the age of six. That angel within me shall live on. Every month of May, I still become an angel………an adult angel who just loves watching the new generation of young angels celebrating the essence of Flores de Mayo.
Santacruzan is another exciting highlight of May which is usually held on the later part of this month. This is a historical-religious parade of beautiful Filipina maidens with their handsome escorts under the hand-carried bamboo arcs decorated by fragrant native flowers. It is a novena procession to rekindle the St. Helena’s finding of the cross – the mother of Constantine the great. This reminds me of the Santacruzan 2001 in my place. I was chosen as the Reyna Elena with my little Constantine partner. It was a great honor for me to flaunt my beautiful gown. I couldn’t conceal the glint of pride across my face since Santacruzan is not just an ordinary pageant of looks or beauties but also the embodiment of traditional feminine traits. This is a historical event and a part of our Filipino culture which had been adopted from the Spaniards more than 100 years ago. And so, it’s not just an entertainment but an inspiration as well.
To sum it all up, May is absolutely a festive month. It is the month of food, noise, fun, fragrance, blossoms and prayers…………a month of the Filipino culture………..a month of history and religion………….a month of celebration ……………a special month that speaks of who and what a Filipino is…………..a month that explains that a Filipino like me is a fun-loving, religious and a cultured person.
Another grand event in May is the Flores de Mayo – a tribute to the Virgin Mary. In the Philippines, I could start seeing the rain in May after a long, dry summer. With the rainfall, the flowers magically bloom and the flower fragrance floats in the air. With this beneficial rainfall which makes the surroundings colorful, the Catholics offer prayers, reflections, songs and the children march down the church center aisle and sprinkle fragrant petals for Mama Mary. As these little angels sing hymns to Lady Immaculate while offering a bunch of flowers to the altar, I can’t help on bringing myself back to my childhood years. I always had flowers and friends with me in the church before. I had once experienced becoming an angel who offered flower petals too and I had also been crowned as the little Flores de Mayo Queen in our hometown at the age of six. That angel within me shall live on. Every month of May, I still become an angel………an adult angel who just loves watching the new generation of young angels celebrating the essence of Flores de Mayo.
Santacruzan is another exciting highlight of May which is usually held on the later part of this month. This is a historical-religious parade of beautiful Filipina maidens with their handsome escorts under the hand-carried bamboo arcs decorated by fragrant native flowers. It is a novena procession to rekindle the St. Helena’s finding of the cross – the mother of Constantine the great. This reminds me of the Santacruzan 2001 in my place. I was chosen as the Reyna Elena with my little Constantine partner. It was a great honor for me to flaunt my beautiful gown. I couldn’t conceal the glint of pride across my face since Santacruzan is not just an ordinary pageant of looks or beauties but also the embodiment of traditional feminine traits. This is a historical event and a part of our Filipino culture which had been adopted from the Spaniards more than 100 years ago. And so, it’s not just an entertainment but an inspiration as well.
To sum it all up, May is absolutely a festive month. It is the month of food, noise, fun, fragrance, blossoms and prayers…………a month of the Filipino culture………..a month of history and religion………….a month of celebration ……………a special month that speaks of who and what a Filipino is…………..a month that explains that a Filipino like me is a fun-loving, religious and a cultured person.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
