FATHER FIGURE

I felt that my childhood
Was fettered by Papa’s restrictions
Almost all the things I loved doing
Were forbidden………………
I wanted to ride my bicycle
But Papa said I should not.
I wanted to play with my friends under the sun
But Papa said “No!”
I wanted to cook and wash the clothes
But Papa didn’t want me to
I wanted to go to the beach with the neighbors
But Papa said I might get drowned
I wanted to take vacation in my cousin’s place
But Papa said I was too young to be there……

I envied my friends and cousins
Through the window, I just watched them
Enjoying with their freedom
Doing so many things
Which I’d been deprived of.

When I reached high school
Papa became more strict and tough
I just hated the curfew hours
I missed a lot of fun outings
I wasn’t allowed to travel alone
It was a great frustration
To say no to a man I fell in love with
Just to follow what Papa told me
That I should not indulge in a relationship yet
I felt I was enmeshed
In a myriad of no freedom
With a profound longing
To express my youth
But I just couldn’t.

When I went to a university
I was away from home
I quaffed the new freedom
I savored the new independence
I’d done so many things without reluctance
Papa wasn’t there at all to reprimand me
Yet, I still had that fear of him
His constant calls and reminders were still there
And so, no matter what
I still tend to behave well
I dared not to abuse my instant freedom
I still managed to set limits
For I’m scared of Papa
My fear of him is unrelenting.

Now that I’m an adult
Now that I’m married
And now that I’m more mature
I’ve started to stop cursing Papa
Instead I’ve begun to appreciate him
For all those deprivations
And annoying restrictions before.
I begin to understand
Why Papa did all of those………..
Simply because he kept me on the right track
And absolutely because he loves me a lot.
I don’t care if all of those inhibitions
Were right or wrong
All I know now is……
There was so much love behind them.

I might not have fully enjoyed
My childhood and my teenage life
Yet, I know Papa had a very good reason
Why he never gave me so much freedom
He never meant to hurt me
And to give me a miserable life
It was just his means of molding
A wonderful person in me
And that’s what matters a lot to me
With his love and concern
I become what I am now
I’m grateful that my eyes and heart
Have seen and felt a Father Figure………..

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY PA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!